A New Career

As I grabbed a shopping basket (yes we call them baskets or buggies in Texas) at Wal-Mart yesterday evening, I thought, maybe a new career is what I need. Why would I possibly want to give up my glorious career as a middle school librarian, you ask? Well, I have finally found my true calling, my one love, my purpose in life. What might that be? Shopping basket tester. That's right. My new career will be to test shopping baskets for structural integrity, i.e. do they roll properly.

You see, I have an absolutely uncanny knack for finding the baskets with the stuck wheel, lumpy wheel that clicks everytime it revolves, and the cart that can't go straight to save its life. Every time I go to a store where a basket is necessary, I invariable find the one that should be back in the basket shop getting repaired. How do I do this? I'm not sure. It must be a gift.

Ah, the joy of finding one of these baskets is, for me, a truly momentous occassion. I cry a little inside when it happens. Then I usually run into something with my basket that has a mind of its own. Or I alert then entire store to my presence by the insanely loud clicking issuing from one or more of the basket's wheels. Best of all, I love it when I can drag my basket through the store because of a stuck wheel.

Now, you might think that this job is for suckers. Not true. I have even tried to fix my baskets while in the store, free of charge. So the next poor soul who gets this basket won't face the humiliation I am so acustomed to, I don't even notice it any more. I'm not sure if they offer "basket fixing" as an honest trade yet, but I'm sure they will. What a great job. Pulling out plastic, trash, hair (ew) from the wheels of poor, mistreated baskets would be the higlight of my day. And the feeling I would get from knowing that no longer will rogue baskets be plowing into unsuspecting shoppers or displays would almost extinguish the shame of what I do for a living.

So, I'll be sending resumes out to those large stores who use shopping baskets. I must use my gift for good. Wish me luck!